CHOO HAN SOL 추 한 솔

Monday was the usual trip to E*Mart for the residents.  It was the boys in Peace Home that were getting to go. When they showed up at Molly's house...there was no Han-Sol among the boys.

I ran down to the house and found him in a chair watching t.v., I asked the house mom (thru a number of gestures) if Han-Sol could come to E*Mart with us? He looked on with hopeful eyes...and she said yes.  He put on his shin-balls (shoes) and we ran back to Molly's to get in the van.

I told Molly I invited him to come along and that I would pay for his meal.  She thought it was a great idea.  

Leaving Han-Sol in 3 weeks is going to be SO HARD.  He's 16-years-old (in Korean age, 15 in American Age), but as you can tell he looks about 13-years-old.  He has a pretty severe learning disability...but that's it.  He just never got adopted...he was abandoned...like me.  He has a very kind heart, when we were in E*Mart he helped his fellow brothers with the things they wanted to buy.  At dinner he cut up one of the other boys food, to make smaller bites for him to eat. 

Molly gives us $20,000 Won (about $18) every Monday as our stipend.  Martin and I usually find ways to give it back to the residents.  This week I handed the money to Han-Sol as we walked into E*Mart, I told him he could buy something with it...he pointed at a big screen t.v. and said (in English), "o.k., I buy?!" he laughed - and I laughed...He bought a pair of flip-flops with the money.

I love this little boy so much...the idea that no one wanted to adopt him is baffling to me?

I've spoken to Molly about his future. She says Han-Sol will most likely learn a trade - clerk, washing cars, painting...or get a job within Ilsan Town.  But he's now institutionalized and survival outside of this community is doubtful.  He will most likely stay here at Ilsan Town till the day he dies. I don't doubt I will come back and visit Ilsan in 3 years, 5 years and even 10 years from now, and he'll still be here. He'll be happy like always...but still here. 

The potential this child could have gained breaks my heart. This is the hard reality of being in a place like Ilsan Town. For many it's a safe haven, and I still believe it's a wonderful safe haven for so many orphans that were abandoned because they were "flawed."  But for the ones like Han-Sol, it's a difficult reality to know what could have been, what should have been...and what won't be.  

I cry when I think about having to leave him.  He's been MY little boy since the day I met him. I've been the proud parent at all the Voices of the Soul concerts, giving him BIG hugs afterwards and saying, "chalanda!" (good job!). When he walks past Molly's house I call him over and give him cookies, to which he always says, "thank-you" in perfect English.

  

Anyone that knows me can attest...I am not a maternal person.  I have never wanted children of my own. But something about Han-Sol has sparked something in my heart. It makes me wish I was about 10-years younger and a whole lot richer...

It's going to be so hard to leave Han-Sol, but he will always be in my thoughts and in my heart. I will always consider him, in a way; to be my son.